Brene Brown takes a look at the habit of blame. This is worth the 3:25 minutes it takes to watch!
Listen to the conversation I have with Carol Greenaway as we discuss:
- The critical difference between marketing and selling
- Why many service providers are sooooo uncomfortable selling (and what to do about it)
- How to have sales conversations that are natural – and that work for you & your prospects.
Simply click on the orange “play” arrow below and enjoy! (If you prefer to download the mp3, click on the SoundCloud icon.)
Making mistakes. Screwing up. Failing. Missing the mark. Whatever you want to call it, most of us aren’t very good at dealing with it. While we fear rejection or punishment from the outside world, its the internal critics that are the harshest.
I’m taking a class based based on the book Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential. Last week author and program creator, Shirzad Chamine, offered us a powerful way of working with failure. Here’s how it goes:
At the beginning of each day, you set your intention or choose a focus for the day. At the end of the day, do two things:
1. Celebrate the ways in which you honored your intention or focus. Spend time reviewing the positive impact you had. Feel the feelings associated with succeeding in this way. Enjoy the flood of positivity.
2. Identify one small way you could have honored it more… [TIME OUT…… it is at this point that we usually engage the inner critic to evaluate how poorly we’ve done and how miserable we really are at whatever we intended to do. The criticisms run on and on, usually resulting in disappointment, shame and general unhappiness. So, don’t do that. Instead try THIS…] …and visualize having actually honored your intention in that small way. Engage all of your senses and imagine the scene as clearly as you can, allowing yourself to feel the emotional impact of the positive vision. Enjoy the flood of positivity.
Shirzad points to studies that show the brain’s inability to distinguish between real events and imagined events. There are many implications here:
- You are actively creating new neural pathways — hey, it’s science! 😀
- You are strengthening your ability to imagine — a key to engaging your creativity
- You are generating feelings of wellbeing, happiness, joy — states of positivity that influence your health (mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical)
- You turn failure into an ally and bypass your inner critic — hallelujah for that!
More good news: this takes only 10 seconds! However, I like to spend at least 30 seconds on it so don’t feel like you must limit yourself here.
It works with anything — not just your intention or focus for the day. For example, let’s say you have a petty argument with a loved one. You’re about to have a “shame hangover” …but you stop. Pivot. Harness the failure by visualizing a different, positive experience with that person. In this vision, you are being the person you really want to be.
Try it right now. Bring to mind one recent action or failing. Something you didn’t do as well as you had hoped or planned. It can be something small. Now, imagine having handled it in the best way possible. See and feel your success. Make it more realistic by engaging all of your senses…feel the temperature of the air, smell the aromas, hear the sounds, etc.
Pretty sweet, yes?
Of course, there might be actions you want to take to mitigate any damage from your mistake. As long as it is not an emergency situation, take any additional action after trying this technique.
Carol and I cover the 4 secrets to building your Confidence. Each week during the month of October, we’ll goo deeper into one of the secrets. We even give you clear action steps to bring these into your everyday work and life.
Carol and I talk about the role Trust plays in boosting Confidence. This is part of our Special Series — October: International Confidence Month!
Note: there is a 4 second delay before the recording starts.
Carol and I discuss how to engage genuine hope, which we distinguish from false hope, to build and support your confidence.
Carol and I discuss the pitfalls of perfectionism, how to avoid them and how to pull yourself out when you fall in. And…we even offered up some mistakes during this recording. Just for you! 😀
#1. Don’t Have Rules — Rules lock us into stagnant ways of operating. How to spot a rule: it usually begins with the thought (or attitude) of Should, Have to, Must, Can’t, Never! There is a lack of choice. Instead of rules, we can create commitments that will support what we want, for now. For example: rather than having a rule of “No sugar! Ever!” I might have a commitment to paying attention to what my body really needs and then honoring that need. Burn that rulebook!
#2. Repeat After Me: “My Body Is My Friend” — Seriously, it literally supports your every move. When we slow down enough to hear what it needs and follow its guidance, we dramatically reduce stress and increase peace, happiness and all around wellbeing. (Tweet This Hot Tip: listening to what your body actually needs is not the same thing as listening to your opinion of what your body should need.)
#3. Repeat After Me: “No” — Many of us love to give and contribute to others. This is a beautiful quality, usually. But sometimes we waaaaay overdo it and over-commit leading to resentment, self-loathing, illness, spiritual blackmail (a “loving” person would say yes…), etc. Learning to say No can be one of the most powerful and loving skills to master, for yourself and others.
#4. Do At Least One Thing You Love, Everyday — Don’t allow your to-do list to run (ruin) your life. Stop believing the Inner Slave Driver who says you can only enjoy your life AFTER you get ALL of your work done….which never happens, have you noticed? Right now pause and make a list of 20 things you love to do — big or small. Do something from the list each and every day. This is an incredibly fun, fulfilling and potentially outrageous way to live. (Hot Tip: if something on the list seems impossible…like Walking on the beach in Southern France ..meanwhile, you live in Chicago, then do something related to it. Perhaps you start planning a trip to the Riviera. Or you close your eyes and imagine being on the beach right now…. hearing the surf, feeling the gentle warm breeze….)
#5. Schedule #4 (above) In Your Daily Planner — Decide how much time you will give to an activity that you love and then make daily appointments in your calendar. Then treat these appointments as nonnegotiable. This is a tough one, I know! But hey, you’re up for a challenge, aren’t you? Imagine loving yourself enough to honor time for pure joy. You can have this. It’s a choice.
This takes a few seconds to load…..so, take a micro-break now and breathe…..