Brene Brown takes a look at the habit of blame. This is worth the 3:25 minutes it takes to watch!
Carol and I cover the 4 secrets to building your Confidence. Each week during the month of October, we’ll goo deeper into one of the secrets. We even give you clear action steps to bring these into your everyday work and life.
Carol and I talk about the role Trust plays in boosting Confidence. This is part of our Special Series — October: International Confidence Month!
Carol and I discuss the pitfalls of perfectionism, how to avoid them and how to pull yourself out when you fall in. And…we even offered up some mistakes during this recording. Just for you! 😀
- giving tough feedback,
- engaging an audience,
- motivating a team,
- guiding a friend or family member through a tough time,
- building your business,
- leading an athletic team to higher levels of performance,
- teaching middle schoolers,
- wanting followership anywhere
At or With?
The world is full of people who operate with an attitude of “At”. Truth is, we’ve all done it. We were in a hurry or stressed out and started talking “At” other people rather than with them. In this state of “At”, we unconsciously view other people in one of three ways:
- Obstacles – preventing us from having or getting what we want
- Vehicles — for having or getting what we want
- Irrelevant — not worth our time, energy or attention
The Problem with “At”
Being “At” people damages relationships and generally makes life harder for yourself and others. It has a quality of being against; it pushes. “At” fuels distrust, upset, resentment, resistance, anger, shouting, and sometimes even violence. “I’m right! You’re wrong!” When operating from “At”, the best you can hope for, in terms of followership, is to gain the appearance of compliance.
The Benefit of “With”
“With” attracts rather than pushes. It is like standing beside someone, conveying that you are on their side, an ally. Together, you are looking at problems or challenges and together you are coming up with solutions and goals. When you are “With” someone you can create genuine Followership because being “With” does not invalidate other views, opinions, or beliefs. Instead, it makes room for differences while creating alignment.
When you are “With”, you invite others to join you. When you are “At”, you seek to defeat, compete, be right or be better than the other person.
“At” is the ego’s attempt to get a cheap hit of power. Power over others.
“With” is the heart’s desire for genuine personal power. Power with others.
How to Get With the “With” Program
First — make a personal commitment to be “With”. Be honset with yourself: are you viewing anyone as an obstacle, vehicle, or irrelevant? Practice connecting human being to human being.
Second — how do you treat people you don’t know very well: store clerks, other drivers on the road, customer service people, etc.? If you can bring the spirit of “With” here, it will be easier in other areas.
Third — bust yourself. Tell others about this tip. Ask for feedback on how you are doing.
Fourth — take on the exercise below.
What is one situation where you have been predominately “At” and are now willing to redefine your position and be “With”? What would being “With” look like, sound like, and feel like? What would be the impact of this type of shift — on you, on others, on the environment? Take action, communicate, or otherwise engage people in this situation from an attitude of “With” and notice what happens. (Give it more than one shot.)
You know that person who regularly shows up overwhelmed and breathless? Everything is an emergency with them. Life is a fire to put out. Slowing down is not an option. Mania becomes a substitute for productivity.
These are the least effective people I know. And, I should know — I used to be one of them. That is, until it became incredibly boring and unsustainable.
Years ago, I worked in an environment in which we all took a sick pride being the (more…)